I am Fearless

Liz over at Fitness Blondie who is amazing and inspiring and gorgeous.. oh I got caught up shes total woman crush material has bared or is it beared her soul to us and shared her amazing story. Read it here. Now she wants to know what makes you fearless?

I have previously shared my story here,  here, and the second part here. 
Please feel free to click on over an read my story, I would share it again but I don't want to bore my loyal readers out. A lot of the times we'd rather share things that are funny or whimsical but sometimes we have to be true to ourselves and that's what the whole point of being fearless is. 

Have I always lived fearlessly? No. I was scared of judgement, criticism, living alone, my appearance, you name it I was afraid of it. Am I completely fearless now? Nope. It's something I am working on daily.

How am I fearless?

I overcome an abusive relationship with friends, an ex-husband, and with food. I had friends that were toxic...they'd feed me the lines I wanted to hear and drag me down right along with them. My exhusband abused me emotionally & physically. In fact the emotional abuse was far worse than the physical..I literally felt like an empty shell just floating through life. I had no feelings .. I was just there...numb and letting my life pass me by. Which turned into an abusive relationship with food. I was eating to fill some sort of void in my life and at the time food was the only thing that made me happy. I don't even think you could say happy, food gave me something to look forward to but the only feeling I felt was full. Then the fullness would go away and I'd slump back into my chair and get lost in a daze of nothingness until I decided I needed to feel full again. So the cycle continued and the weight piled on.. I didn't care. If I wasn't eating I was sleeping. It kills me to admit this now but I would put Bailey in front of the TV just so I could sleep. I had no drive really no will to do anything.

I wish I could tell you what finally made things click for me. I can't. One day I just got out of bed and decided I didn't want to live like that anymore. I wanted to be a better person and a better mother. I wasted some good years living in that funk and I can't get them back now and that is a regret I will live with for the rest of my life. However, I made a lifestyle change I dropped all the dead weight in my life which includes toxic friends, my ex-husband, and my unhealthy eating habits.

I am fearless because

• I made a decision that would forever change my life and never looked back.
• I no longer let anyone or anything control me.
• I am control of my happiness and how I react to things.
• I am no longer a prisoner in my own body.
• I faced the judgement and critisism and realized it really wasn't that big of a deal.
• I chose to love myself again when I didn't think I was worth loving.
• I heard people talk about my fad diets and being referred to as Oprah but I didnt let that stop me.
• I am happy with who I am.
• I am confident with who I am.
• I am strong because I embraced myself!

before

My kids have always been my biggest motivators but once I finally done this for ME, not my kids, not for other's approval, not because it sounded good...but really did these things for me. THAT is when I felt fearless and alive again!

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