Stupid things that freak me out...

Friday, May 30, 2014

So I can't be the only one that has some really irrational fears right!? Like my mind goes crazy with all the things that can go wrong some are real some are just out right stupid. Here is a list of stupid things Im afraid of. You're welcome.

1. My boobs popping... I have implants.. I just got them in February and I am super afraid that something I do is going to pop them. Therefore: I'm always on top, Im not water sliding, Im scared to jump on the trampoline... yall these are some serious fears. Maybe its the newness...please tell me that this will go away!

2. Texting the wrong person. I thoroughly check my text messages before I send them because omg what if my mom gets a sexy text (EW) or for example the other day I was texting my b/f about my bosses kinda being in pissy moods, thank God I checked before I sent because I was actually texting my boss. Or one time I was texting my (now ex) husband calling him the biggest piece of shit ever and well I actually sent it to my landlord. Awkward!

3. Roller coasters or any amusement park ride. I used to ride these things and think nothing of it. Now I can't even I start thinking of screws getting loose and me plunging to my death. I dont think I have ridden a amusement park ride since before my children were born!

4.Doctor's phone calls. Dude if I go in for my yearly and you tell me to come back in 6 months, for the next 6 months I will think Im dying of some unspeakable disease only found in some part of the world I've never even been too... seriously #paranoid.

5. Fist fighting.. Im 27 years old and I've never been in a real fight. Like EVER! However, I'm super freaked out about it. What if I cry like a little bitch OR what if its just like in my dreams and every time I throw a punch it's in super slow motion and when I connect with this person's face they just look at me like ahh hell naw!

6. Sticking my hand in the pool filter. So my boyfriend has a pool service business and sometimes I go to work with him. He always makes me empty the filter baskets. However, I am terrified to do so. What if there is a snake curled up in there and it bites me and I die?!  I usually do a little something like this before I actually stick my hand in that basket. Sidenote... I could post some of the gross shiz hes pulled from a pool, but you might be eating so I wont.

7. Calling people. I dont know why this freaks me out but you won't find me calling the radio station to win something, calling a company for information, or sales calls. I hate it when my bosses make me do it at work like I get really uncomfortable. #isthatweird

8. Being kidnapped. No Im not a kid, but seriously when Im running I have a  fear someone is going to stop and snatch me up and I'll never be seen again.There are some really sketchy people in this world and the ice cream man in his weird ass van seriously creeps me out! It looks like this but has bible versus all over it which makes it more creepy to me because in my mind you're trying too hard to prove you're not a kidnapper... #logic
9. Eyes.
Seriously eyes freak me out. I hope my kids never get any kinda eye junk because I will freak out if I have to put meds in them or even look for more than  a split second. I have chills just thinking about it....ew!

and 10. Pennies.
Yes I said pennies as in the worthless copper coins that people dispose of quite often. I can't stand the way they feel and 9 times out of 10 theyre in my disgusting cupholder and they feel gross and please dont ever make me touch a penny! I always tell the cashier to keep them...its not just any change bc I will pick silver change up all day but something about pennies just gross me out.

Tell me I'm not the only one!!! What freaks you out that probably doesn't bother anyone else??

Happily Ever After...Divorce

Thursday, May 29, 2014

So I wrote about my story here and before I ended that post I said that wasn't the end. I thought I'd share the other half of my story today.

So I left off with getting a divorce it should be all happily ever after now right?! Wrong. When you have children with someone just because you're no longer married doesn't mean this person is out of your life. In fact, he will be in your life from now until forever. Most people say 18 but kids don't magically disappear at the age of 18 (hi mom!)

I found a job last year on Bailey's birthday, it was part time barely getting me by but thanks to my wonderful boyfriend we survived. I wasn't getting child support unless you call child support 30-40$ every 2 or three weeks then fine I got some child support. Sarcasm Font.

June of last year I went to DHR and started the process to put him on child support. It wasnt fair that me and Mike were doing so much work and he wasn't doing a damn thing other than getting a bunch of new tattoos and taking beach vacations pretty regularly. I can't even remember the last time I went to the beach *sighs*

When you're dealing with DHR aka any government agency be prepared to pretty much wait your whole life to see results. Seriously... its been a year and no results! However, they were sending him letters threatening to take away his license, tax refund, etc. So he started giving me 200$ a month in cash. Some is better than none, so I obliged. I also wrote him receipts each time to prove he was giving me the money. Things were going pretty smoothly until October.

I called him that morning, I wasn't feeling well and asked him to get the kids because I was sick. I needed him to take Bailey to baseball because I just couldn't deal and needed to rest. All was fine and we hung up. About 2 hours later he calls me back screaming in my ear about child support. Apparently the receipts I wrote him meant nothing to DHR and they suspended his license (oops?) I  hung up on him several times, and told him I wasn't going to talk to a screaming lunatic. He was cussing me and calling me names that no man should ever call a woman. I remember telling him that if he wanted to yell and fight with someone he could call my man because I wasn't going to be disrespected like that. That was a mistake! Mike was at work and I was just blowing smoke and with his history I shouldn't have done that. Thats when he said F yall I will shoot both of yall in the f'n face! He has a gun and has threatened me before so I told him I was sick of him threatening me and I was going to the police.

I got my baby out of bed and put him in the carseat and was literally buckling my seat belt when my maniac ex-husband slid into my driveway on 2 wheels. I panicked I rolled the windows up and locked my car doors. He was screaming at me to get out of my car. He was banging on my windows I was terrified. I called Mike and he told me to call the police and get out of there. Thats when my ex popped out a knife and started waving it at me. I felt the blood drain from my face. I literally felt like this would be the day he killed me.

My child was in the car, I had to protect him so I dialed 911 and hit my car in reverse nearly running the pycho-path over. The 911 operator told me to get to the police station if I could so that was my mission. Except by the time I got my car in drive my ex was in his truck right behind me. I remember cutting through my yard, hitting a ditch (and my head) and getting on the road. He sped past me and got in front of me sideways blocking me in. I'm screaming in the phone for someone to help me please God help me meanwhile they were trying to figure out my location. I backed up and turned down another road just trying to get out of my neighborhood, he blocked me again, but not enough I was able to get around him. We are now on this very curvy road, Im doing 80mph and hes right on my tail. I flying through stop signs and praying Im going to make it to the station. I'm screaming at the operator wanting to know where the hell are all the cops at!!?? All of a sudden he flies ahead of me comes to a dead stop. I slide as I slam on my brakes and Im panicked...what the hell am I going to do now as hes walking to my car. The operator says aim your car at him and floor it. So I did, I dont remember him jumping out of the way, I dont remember much of anything but the feeling of panic coursing through my body. As I am speeding through stop signs, God was watching over because I didnt come near any vehicles that day, the ex finally realized where I was going and turned off. The entire police station was waiting on me when I got there and quickly grabbed me and my baby and rushed me inside. I guess the ex figured out what I was doing and went home, and the cops didnt find him and since his home was out of city limits they couldn't go pick him up...WTF! He started calling me again and harassing me while I was at the police station. "I'm sorry Brittney, you're blowing this out of proportion don't do this to me" Are you fucking kidding me? That shit used to work on me but not that day. That day I thought my life was over, I thought my child would be seriously injured during our high speed chase.The cops finally got my phone and told him he was facing serious charges and he was about to get a few more if he didnt stop calling me.

I pressed charges that day for the very first time ever. I wanted him to be held responsible for his actions. I was done being a coward afraid of him getting in trouble enough was enough.

His girlfriend called me frantic saying that he was being a lunatic UM YOU THINK?! She was 5 months pregnant at the time and he jumped on her and her sister when he got home and was arrested later that night. Of course he bonded out in a few short hours and my next step was a restraining order.

To be continued.....

That one time I was feeling spontaneous.....

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Vodka and Soda

As most of you know my boyfriend and I have 3 kiddos.. so when the "mood" strikes sometimes its a freaking mission to get the deed done. Shh do you hear the kids, be quiet, crap the door knob is wiggling, be still they'll go away....

Well Memorial Day weekend the kids played hard all day long and by 8pm they were all passed out YES!!!! Well of course our kids weren't the only ones there but we thought all the kids had called it a night. I give my man the look and Im all like ....

We decide to go swimming I mean its midnight, its just the two of us and the setting was well perfect! One thing leads to another and .....

I kept hearing something in the bushes but I thought it was a dog or something and at that moment I really could care less because well you know...

Anyway we finished having swim lessons..yeah Im going to say swim lessons and went inside and went to sleep. I was feeling pretty proud that we had that time to ourselves with no jiggling door knobs or hearing kids say MOOOOOM during the act. It was pretty fantastic.

The next day we are sitting on the couch watching TV just doing our normal routine, the thoughts of last nigths swimming lessons were over and done with and normal activities had resumed and then....

out of no where this kid says Hey guess what?! I said what....

"I totally saw your boob last night me and 'other kid' were in the tree"

I just stood there I imagine looking like this....

And that my friends is why you shouldn't feel spontaneous when you have tiny spawns of satan children around.

But then again



Tuesday, May 27, 2014

My sweet baby boy! It doesnt feel like its been 7 years since I first held you in my arms but it has. You are all I could have hoped and wished for and you bring so much joy to my life. Wow time sure does fly when you're having fun! On May 23, sweet baby boy turned 7 years old and I couldn't be more proud of him. 7 years ago I had no idea how much he'd change my life. I love his silly faces, that he has his own preferences even if it is rap music over my country, that he's not ashamed to be his self ,his beautiful smile his loving personality. Before he came along I was just a young 20 year old with no purpose in life, however he changed that. The day he was born gave me a reason for breathing. God sure did bless me when he allowed me to be his mother. I love you so much Jackson Bailey happy birthday sweet boy!

This year you have overcome so much and I am so very proud of you. You had the world on your shoulders and yet you over come all the obstacles standing in your way. I remember when all you cared about was having some M&Ms and a bug juice and pretending to be all sorts of characters with props you put together in your bedroom.

Now you're into sports and video games. I fear that creativity will leave you some day but then I see you outside jumping on the trampoline pretending you're an astronaut and I know that your imagination will take you far some day. This year has been a struggle for both of us but you've grown up so much in this past year that its breath taking.

This year you've...
completed 1st grade
moved into a new home
gained a brother
played baseball for the first time
learned to tie your shoes
learned to swim
went through a divorce (sorry) but stayed strong for mom
transitioned from mom being a SAHM to a working mom
made new friends
grown about a foot lol
lost 2 teeth
and last but not least
made mommy very proud of the young man you're turning out to be. You're amazing son, don't ever forget that 


20X31 week 4

Friday, May 23, 2014

The fabulous ladies at JVKom Chronicles, 24 to 30, Optimistic Health, and Running Smiles put together this fabulous challenge where you have to move your body any way you want for 20 minutes (or more) every day for the month of May. 

Read last weeks update HERE.  Here we are at week 4 and I felt like I was doing so so good!
Here is my update for week 4 but Im not real happy with it!!!

5/17 I spent Saturday party prepping and cleaning for my son's 7th bday party. Shout out to my son today is his actual 7th bday Im so proud of him! I think Ill do his bday post next week :) We ended the night at the bar once the kiddos went their separate ways. I danced a little but Im sure it wasn't 20 minutes worth.

5/18 I did absolutely nothing on Sunday. I was so tired from bday parties and going out that I laid dead in my recliner all day long binge watching Nip/Tuck. I vowed I'd make up for it this week but Karma has a way of biting me in my ass from time to time.

5/19 30 minutes of Hip Hop Abs

5/20 Ran 27 minutes with my lil dog Poncho cheering me on
Doesnt it look like hes giving me the stank eye for stopping? Sorry Poncho Ill keep going next time!

5/21 On this day I woke up with excruciating back pain and I don't know what I did to my back. I can barely walk up right and being in any position too long literally brings tears to my eyes.

5/22-5/23 Back pain is stopping me from doing much :( I did walk around the schools and baseball ceremonies all day yesterday which could be why I feel 100X worse today!

Im hoping to take a trip to the doctor sometime this weekend because obviously this isn't normal. I feel like I've let myself down ... bummed out for sure!

I hope you all have had a better week than me!


Im over......

Hey guys Im dealing with a back injury hopefully nothing serious and really can't sit at the computer all day. Ashley at A Faithful Passion is sharing a post from me today please go check her out and show her some love!

Im not THAT mom....

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Im not THAT mom that thinks flippin unicorns and rainbows come out of my kid's ass! I know he can be an irritating little shit at times and I know that he does bad things. Hes 7...or will be Friday. However when you come at me with some bullshit about my kids please be prepared to meet mama bear!

Yesterday I talked about wanting to kick Mike's baby mama in her teeth...yall I hate the word baby mama but whatever it fits

She lives across the street from us SAY WHAAT yea she does. Its actually been really convenient since her and her boyfriend don't work they take the kids (hers and mine) to school every morning and keep them in the afternoon until Mike and I get home. Let me just add this worked the entire school year and here we are 3 days before schools out for summer and dun dun dun DRAMA!

I got a text from her at 7:30 in the morning with a text that began like this YOU NEED TO KEEP BAILEY FROM ....blah blah blah! She then had the nerve to say well you work all the time so you dont know what all goes on. Bitch slow your roll, do not tell me what I need to do with my kids. Im raising not 1 not 2 but 3 kids I think I got this and one of them happens to be yours! Also, I was a stay at home mom for 6 years I know EXACTLY what my kid does and doesnt do! #yourenotmomoftheyear . Friday she had her son she gets him every other weekend. Bailey was at home with me, Saturday we had Bailey's bday party and as soon as it was over he went to his dads and didn't return until 7pm Sunday when he promptly took a shower ate dinner and went to bed. However her boyfriend accused Bailey of knowing about some sort of theft that went on at her house this weekend and then tried to tell me that Bailey called her boyfriend a liar and demanded to know what the culprits looked like. Dude my kid is 7 he knows nothing about theft or calling an adult a liar and he told me he asked what the boy was wearing bc he was wondering if it was the boy that throws rocks at him. Please tell me which sounds more like a 7 year olds response?!

I let it go I was like whatever there's only 3 days of school left I can deal with this bullshit..Im not that mom that's crazy over protective. I know my kid is going to be treated unfairly in his lifetime, I know his feelings will get hurt, hes going to get scuffed knees, and he will get his heart broken one day. I can deal with reality I make my kid be held responsible when he fucks up but when hes innocent I'm going to go the hell off!

side note the oldest Mike and Cunt face's son lives with us but here lately he hasnt been wanting to come home and Mike wanted to know what was up.

Cunt face decides to tell Mike that his son doesnt want to come home because my cooking sucks #ouch!

 I get it your mom makes hamburger helper and easy mac and I cook things that arent processed junk. What kid wouldnt choose the helper over fresh veggies. Mike told her that was unacceptable and he had stuff to do at home. So T did what any 8 year old does to get their way. He lied. He proceeds to tell his mother (cunt face) that Bailey gets him in trouble all the time and is mean.

side note: I get on to Bailey 100% more than T because Bailey is mine and I dont want to over step my boundaries.

As cunt face is standing all eagle pride in my fuckin living room like shes about to lay the smack down on me,  Mike and I both call bullshit! First of all T has his face buried in a pillow because hes lying and second of all the punishment at my house ALWAYS fits the crime. If you did it you will be punished if you didn't you're not getting punished I'm not mommy dearest!

She said um no he gets T in trouble at my house all the time. Thats it I went the fuck off... like I said by no means am I THAT mom but Im not going to allow ANYONE to bully my kid. T and his mom were bullying my kid (thats how I felt anyway). So we had a screaming match #babymamadrama and I grounded T for lying and I told her she was no longer picking up my child and Id make other arrangements. T ended up riding with me this morning and I said want to tell me the real truth or what? Yall the kid caused all this BULLSHIT over some damn hamburger helper.
I dont blame T though I really dont. If his mom was not  a part time mom she'd know when an 8 year old was playing her. A real mom wouldn't bully a 7 year old. A real mom would know kids are going to be kids and shit happens. I ain't THAT mom but I'm a real mom and you don't mess with mama bear!

I must confess....

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

This is my first time linking up with Vodka and Soda, but I always love reading others so Im popping my humpday confessions cherry. You're welcome!

I must confess....

I wanted to kick my boyfriend's baby mama in the teeth when she tried to tell me how to parent MY kid. Um excuse me but since when are you mother of the year? Check yourself before I wreck your face. What thats not how the saying goes? Oh #sorrynotsorry

That I got super excited when my boyfriend finally cut his hair... hello sexy! #beardsturnmeon

That I totally got pissed when I couldn't go to sleep after Bailey's bday party Saturday. Can you believe my man made us go out to the club #thestruggle. Baileys party was from 2-4 then I dropped him off with his dad at 4:30 then we went to an adults birthday party and ended up at the bar until 2am. Yall I had no idea we were ending the night like this and was wearing leggings and a tank top. I sat there pouting.. like a 2 year old brat. Lets not even mention my hair and eyes look like I've been hookin on the corner for 3 days straight. Yes Ioften refer to myself as a hooker and no I dont care.

Im extremely anxious about my ex taking my kid to the waterpark Friday... like totally freaking out.

That I sucked at my challenge this weekend because I spent all of Sunday dead in a recliner binge watching nip/tuck! Also that I said I was going to make up for it this week with 2 a days and am failing at that too.

That I did a super speedy birthday party because I really wanted my sister to leave. She embarrassed me from the moment she got there from putting on a bikini when girl REALLY shouldnt wear a bikini to pulling a vodka bottle out of her purse. Um homegirl you are at a 7 year olds birthday party. Slow your roll #hotmessexpress.
That I need to apologize to Bailey for acting as if I was on speed so I could get his bday party over in 15 minutes so my sister would leave! Kinda went like this..yay everyones come open presents, sing happy birthday fuck it we'll cut the cake later, oohh ahh happy birthday everyone can leave now BYE FELISHA! I slowed down and we did the real bday business when she left Im not that bad of a mom!

Okay I better stop here since that last GIF is starting to apply to me ;)

What are you confessing this week?!

Breaking Free

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

All my life I have had a tendency to turn to humor when I feel uncomfortable. If I do something stupid, I make a point to do something even more stupid and laugh about it to take away the awkwardness. The reason I started over with this blog was because I wanted to really come to terms with my life. How exactly is Brittney breaking free? You wouldn't know because I tend to just focus on funny posts or something that will make others laugh. Lord knows I don't want everyone to really feel the torment I feel at times. However, if I really want to make a difference and break free from who I was. I need to be honest. I need to be real. The only thing holding me to my past is my unwillingness to be open about it. 

If you were to notice me on the street you'd never know I was once 225lbs. You'd never know the very sensitive and emotional Brittney had no feelings and no tears she was numb. You'd never know that I hid some very dark and painful secrets. You'd never know I was in an abusive relationship because when you talked to me I'd have a great smile and a bubbly personality. When you watch TV and there is a woman on there you always see her wallowing in her hurt, or staying far away from family and friends to keep her secret, or wearing baggy clothes to hide the bruises. That wasn't me. If you were to see me, you would have assumed I was the happiest girl in the world. On social media I never posted about the monster I was married to it was more like Brittney 'has the best husband ever'. To my family and friends I'd brag about how awesome my ex-husband was to me and the boys. 

You're probably thinking I was scared of what he would do if I told. You're probably thinking I was being controlled to act this way. Usually that's how TV portrays it. That wasn't the truth with me. I wasn't protecting him, I didn't give a damn about him. I was protecting myself. After so many years I was completely numb to the abuse. I felt no pain and I had no tears. Really, I had no emotion at all. I was just there but boy could I put on a good show. Truth is... I didn't want my family and friends to judge me, I didn't want people to know I had failed. I didn't want to face my fear of being alone with two kids. I'd rather stay and be cheated on, physically and emotionally abused, and left alone than let anyone know that my life wasn't perfect that *I* somehow wasn't what I had always made myself out to be.

When I finally told my mom the truth about the last 11 years she broke down and sobbed. She honestly had no idea the hell I put myself through. She didn't understand why or how I hid it so well.  I've always been the type of person that cared what others thought of me way too much. I honestly thought people would look at me as if I was a huge failure so I stayed. My numbness grew to pure hatred. I hate to admit this, it kind of sounds pyschotic #don'tjudgeme I would fantasize about just hitting him over and over again in his sleep. I hated him and had he not been the father of my children, maybe I would have done it. There comes a point in your life when you have to say enough is enough. Everyone has their breaking point and you never know how it will effect you.

Everyone has their demons and some people hide it better than others. At the time, I would rather live with a monster and take the abuse than face my fears. He always told me that no one would belive me, he always told me that no one would take me with 2 kids, he always told me no one would help me. "You're a fat lazy bitch that doesn't know shit about the real world" 
Those words stung. I wasn't stupid. I wasn't naive. I had worked full time before, and I was a smart girl but for some reason I believed him. I thought maybe hes right. My mom doesn't want me and my 2 kids moving in with her, then I will just be a burden.  Who's going to hire me with no experience and 2 kids, he's right how will I support myself? For all these years Ive painted a beautiful picture, he's right no one is going to believe me.

Fear immobilized me. Fear kept me there. Fear was my security blanket. If I stay here at least I'm ok, and I don't have to face the real world. I wasn't afraid of him, I was afraid of the real world. I was afraid of reality, after all I had created quite the illusion that was more than picture perfect.

One day I was on the phone with my cousin and I told her that I wanted to leave him but I said every time I try I get a sick feeling in my stomach. Something is telling me to stay. She said No. Brittney, that is fear. You're afraid of taking a leap of faith. Its not love its fear. What she said really stuck with me but I continued to stay. I didn't know what to do.

Finally, I looked fear in the face and I jumped for the unknown. I didn't think about it I just jumped. I didn't know what the future would hold for my 2 boys and me and once that feeling in the pit of my stomach started to subside I felt a huge wave of relief. I took my boys clothes and a few things of mine and I left to go stay with my mom. She honestly had no idea what was going on because in her mind life was peachy. I never looked back I left my house, my furniture, my home decor, and my heart break when I closed the door that day. I thought I would be sad and full of regret but when I closed that door I smiled and my heart felt light for the first time in about 7 years.

The next couple of weeks things got easier. I kept busy and focused on finishing my degree and dove head first into my school work. Of course he called wanting to talk and come back. I had left before for a day or maybe a few hours but every time he would call me over to 'talk' I would find myself right back in the dark place believing his same old stories of change and the perfect picket fence life. Since I left on a whim I felt I owed him closure...side note I owed him nothing and I realize that now. He tried to sweet talk me but I felt stronger I felt free and my spirits weren't to be broken again. I told him it was over and done with. The next day I called a lawyer told him I wanted out and wanted nothing from my ex-husband. All I wanted was my freedom. I signed those papers and that was when the first chain broke.

I had been with this man for 11 years, there was a lot holding me down but once I felt that first bit of freedom it only fueled my fire. I began looking for a job, I was happy, and I felt confident that if I was strong enough to break free from the hell I was living in I was strong enough to accomplish anything I set my mind to. I ventured into the dating world I dont know if I was ready for that but I thought it would do me some good. I met Mike a few months later. I finished college in May of 2013. Mike and I moved in together pretty quickly so I still have some growing to do but I am far from the Brittney I was.

If you're still reading this, thanks, and the reason I am sharing my story is this:

  • One in 4 women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime.
  • Women experience more than 4 million physical assaults and rapes because of their partners, and men are victims of nearly 3 million physical assaults.
  • Women are more likely to be killed by an intimate partner than men
  • Women ages 20 to 24 are at greatest risk of becoming victims of domestic violence.
  • Every year, 1 in 3 women who is a victim of homicide is murdered by her current or former partner.
Just because you see someone who looks like they have the fairy tale life don't assume that to be true. Everyone has battles everyone has something that they don't want the world to know. If you might be that woman that was me. Dont be fearful, take that leap. Don't be afraid of the unknown, because once you take that leap and look fear in the face there is a GIANT world out there that you have yet to witness.

I am here now at 27 with two children and I am doing just fine. There is life after death so to speak, because for me that was what that relationship was a slow painful death. I am happy. I am healthy. I am free.

There is more to my story, just because I signed papers doesn't make it all go away, but this is long enough so I'll share the rest of my story at a later time.

That time I put pepto on my face....

Monday, May 19, 2014

So the internet is so full of awesome ideas right? I mean hello Pinterest for giving me so many cool DIY tricks from painting my nails with different designs to the awesome baseball party I threw my son this weekend. Seriously when Pinterest came along I lost all sense of creativity. Why reinvent the wheel. Someone else has already did it and dude Im lazy #aintnobodygottimeforthat so I often look at pinterest for cool shiz!

I'm not ashamed to say I've done some pretty dumb shit because the internet said it was true.. No shame in my game.  So here is a list of the stupid awesome things I have done because Pinterest said it would work.

1. Put deoderant on my vag after shaving.. its supposed to prevent razor bumps. Idk if it worked maybe my razor just was awesome DUH but whatever #sofreshandsoclean

2. Tried to whiten my teeth with a banana peel... ummm yeah don't do that.

3. Putting tin foil in a boil and pouring used grease into it. That shit doesnt harden so you can throw away you just have a bowl of grease rather than a pan of grease.

4. Homemade baby wipes... okay this worked when I was broke as hell but they're really thin and soapy so either I F'd up the recipe or they're the equivalent of dollar tree wipes and if you dont know about dollar tree wipes you dont know the struggle! Ps. Cutting a paper towel roll in half isnt all that easy!

5.Nori seaweed wraps... Do I really have to elaborate? Okay. I thought it would kind of be like sushi. It wasn't. First of all canned fish EW! Second of all it was all mushy and fishy and I threw up. The end!
6. Eat your heart out diet. Okay gals trying a new diet you see on pinterest is great who doesnt want to get healthy? Well the one I followed failed to mention that you were supposed to eat soup every day and at the end of the first day I was starving to death seriously and then I gave up. Do your research.
7. Detox water. Now this may just be me because who gets sick like throwing up multiple times from drinking water with strawberries and lemons in it? I did. Maybe that was just me but whatever this chick wont be trying again!

8. Using toothpaste on picture hooks to mark the wall. Im clumsy and toothpaste is sticky...#hotmess

9.  Homemade potpourri Uhm yeah my house smelled like ass and then I had a pot full of cranberries, cinnamon, and oranges that I didnt know what to do with.

and 10. The reason you clicked on this blog post. Last night I googled DIY pimple remedy. Some brilliant asshole person said you can put pepto on your face and it will get rid of pimples. Hell yeah I got 3 bottles of that shit in the cabinet. So I rubbed pepto all over my face while my boyfriend looked on disgusted.  It dried quickly like a mask and my face smelled like a peppermint. That damn zit is still there and its actually bigger. Don't trust everything you read on the internet chances are you're going to look like a crack whore that just went on an LSD binge and thinks pepto is magical unicorn shit that will clean your face. #fail 

and apparently didnt get all the eyeliner off my eyes so I look like  a back alley crack whore....

#20X31 Week 3

Friday, May 16, 2014

The fabulous ladies at JVKom Chronicles, 24 to 30, Optimistic Health, and Running Smiles put together this fabulous challenge where you have to move your body any way you want for 20 minutes (or more) every day for the month of May. 

Read last weeks update HERE. Wow I cant believe its already been 3 weeks. A HUGE thanks to Jen for keeping me motivated I can definitely tell a difference in the way I feel. I can say I slacked off a little this week but Im trying to get back into it as good as I was the other 2 weeks.

As usual I will update from Saturday- Friday :)

Saturday 5/10 : 45 mins
Hip Hop Abs by Shuan T. Just an FYI this totally did not feel like exercise but holy hell was I sore the next day!! Definitely going to keep doing this!

Sunday 5/11: 20 minutes
Sunday was Mother's day and we ate A LOT. Im probably not going to see a happy number Monday when I weigh myself but whatever it was mother's day. After stuffing our faces me and my 2 oldest went on a bike ride for 20-25 minutes. They loved every minute of it. My ass didn't love it, 3 miles on a kids bike is killer.

Monday 5/12: 30 minutes
I got home from work and ran 32 minutes. Let me just say my boys again wanted to join me and I started laughing out loud when they stopped half way because they couldnt keep running. I dont care if you're judging me right now because 2 years ago I got winded walking to the mailbox NOW my kids get winded before I do. #Winning

Tuesday 5/13 45 minutes
I needed to workout but Bailey's birthday is Saturday and my house is in desperate need of cleaning especially since our septic tank overflowed #ew this weekend. So my cardio was really REALLY cleaning my bathrooms. I definitely worked up a sweat!

Wednesday 5/14 20 minutes
It was raining and nasty outside on this day and I knew I wouldnt be running in it. We were slow at work so I found SEVERAL office workouts on youtube. I think I did 3 total which ended up being right over 20 minutes.

Thursday 5/15 55 minutes
Finally it quit raining and I wanted to run but Mike didnt get off until late so I did 45 minutes of Hip Hop Abs and then walked a mile with the kids. I am definitely starting to see definition in my stomach!

Friday 5/16 ??
Okay so Bailey's party is tomorrow and carpets have to be cleaned and the house still needs  to be organized and decorated. My Friday night will be spent scrubbing floors and decorating...I'm pretty sure this counts as cardio right?

Total minutes this week 215 :)

My first time....

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Today I'm linking up with Helene for her total social link up!

 The first prompt for the link up is: Your first time. 
Show us your first blog post, your first boyfriend, your first day of school - whatever!
When you post on your blog you can of course link up with us the day of (which will be Thursday, May 15th). But you can also post on other social media outlets using the hashtag: #firstsTOTALSOCIAL

Basically she will give you a prompt in hash tag form because duh hashtags make everything better, and this weeks is #myfirsttime. Now join in and sit with the cool kids. K?!

I thought about a bunch of my first times I could post about and well I decided to talk about my first time getting a tattoo. Someone posted about tattoos earlier, sorry I read like 9 million blog posts and I dont remember which one it was. Anyway I commented and said I really think the minimum age for getting a tattoo should be 25...wait don't hurt me...I'm totally going to explain!
Well really I'm not going to explain Im just going to paint you a picture of WHY I should have waited until I was 25 to get a tattoo... #thankgodIdidntgethisname

9 years ago I had just turned 18 #woohoo #norules and I thought it would be pretty awesome to go to Panama City for Spring Break for some drunken fun Not really because my friends mom totally crashed our party but lets just pretend. So by drunken fun I guess I'll admit her mom totally let us drink Zimas and smoke ciggarettes because we thought that was what looked cool. Now picture us in the back of a mini-van crusin the strip. I know you're mad jelly right now that you weren't as cool as us! We put her moms hair up and put makeup on her trying to make her look younger... I'm pretty sure the mini-van was a dead giveaway.
I imagine we looked about this cool!
So after getting totally drunk see sipping on a few zimas I was like I want to get a tattoo! I was totally old enough but her mom said I had to call my mom BLAH! My mom obvi doesnt know me very well because she actually said I dare you to do it. See, she thought I'd see the needle and chicken out. Um no #challengeaccepted Biotch!

So me and my bff went walking down the strip we decided we'd leave the mini-van at the condo and I walked in the first tattoo shop I came to #mistake1. A fat biker man with long gray hair patted his chair and told me to have a seat. He asked me what I wanted,ya know this isnt really a big decision Im only going to have it for the rest of my damn life. So like any 18 year old in Panama City in 2005 I was like I want a butterfly on my lower back #mistake2 #ewtrampstamp. I dont know why I dont have pictures of this..Im guessing this is before I had myspace and a cellphone. So the old biker was like unbotton your pants and Im like dude no just put it on my back... I mean would mistake # 3 being two young girls 18 in a different state in a tattoo shop alone with weird old men?

Anyoverdramatic, Yall I was so in love with that crooked ass butterfly I wore a crop top the rest of our vacation to show it off. Ps My mom was totally pissed. Now at the time I freaking loved that butterfly it meant I was free... im 18 a "grown up" and whatever else bullshit I convinced myself of as why I got it. So I didn't stop there, nope I had to keep the #badtattootrend going. My next stop a chinese symbol also on my back in hot pink. Its supposed to say love.
I went in that tattoo shop with the intentions of getting my 'fiance's name on my back #EW. Instead I settled for this. However, my tattoo looks nothing like that, and I'm pretty sure it says drunken whore or something equally offensive.

So that my friends is why you should wait until you are at least 25 and semi have your shit together before you go out and get tatted up!

Love and affection

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

 My boyfriend and I have an awesome relationship. We play together we laugh together and we have a great time together. We never fight, Im not exaggerating, and we never get tired of spending time with one another. And well there's this...

There's just one thing that we are polar opposites on and Im not sure how to handle it. He grew up in a military family where emotions weren't expressed and hugs weren't given. I, on the other hand, grew up in a very loving and emotional family. We talked about our feelings, we hugged it out, and we spent pretty much 24/7 together doing family shiz.

Mike doesnt say I love you, he buys me stuff. I know some of you are like seriously are you complaining. Well yeah I am. I love that he randomly thinks of me throughout the day because hes thinking of me or calls me for no apparent reason. Its awesome but sometimes I'd like to hear him say it. Then Im like we've been together for 15 months and Ive never even heard him say it to his kid. He shows his love and affection in very different ways. However, sometimes it makes me feel bad. Like Im the type of girl that needs hugs, kisses, and I love you's. He says Im insecure about our relationship that I should know that he loves me. Which I do but I want to feel wanted and missed or whatever stage 5 clinger bullshit I sound like right now. Sometimes I just want that.

Not really but I do want him to hug me when I get home from work or to simply say Hey Brittney I love the shit out of you! I tried to tell him about it but hes like everything is perfect why are you tripping. Wanna know why Im tripping, stupid disney movies with their unrealistic love stories Im sure, but whatever cant a bitch just get a GD hug?!

This is not a deal breaker for me. In every other way Mike is perfect and we're perfect for each other.  When youre in a relationship you really have to make sacrifices and compromises. I mean is it really so bad that hes not affectionate. No. I can deal with it. I can understand he was brought up differently than me and he shows his affection in other ways. Such as buying me tons of jewelry last week, fixing my car, brushing my hair and bringing me soup after I just had surgery and couldnt lift my arms, etc. He shows me in so many ways that he loves and cares for me I dont know why I get caught up on him not being affectionate. I was upset and thought I was justified when I first started writing this and now I feel kind of ridiculous. Mike has changed my life, he has made me smile, and hes showed me how I am supposed to be treated. I dont think he'll ever be the mushy gushy type and thats okay with me. He loves me even if he shows his love differently than I do.