My point is once you are divorced and have to do this thing called "co parenting" (which I think is a total SHIT word... just sayin') lines can easily be crossed. In my situation it is anything but 50/50. Hell for the last 8 months my ex-husband was too busy playing daddy and husband to his girlfriend that my children didn't matter. I guess I'll be fair I totally had a restraining order on him but for good reasons. However once you become a parent you are still responsible for caring for them in any way that you can. Am I right or am I right? When I first left my ex I couldn't find work in my field. I ended up taking a part time job at a day care that paid only once a month. Mike and I split all the bills down the middle and I have 2 children to support. Every month when I got my ever depressing paycheck I would be left with a total of .79 cents to last me an entire month. Im not exaggerating. I thank God everyday for Mike because he stepped up in so many ways, he will always be my hero. I haven't received child support in almost a year. Throughout that year my kids had wants, their needs were taken care of, but like all children they had wants. It broke my heart to always be the one to say no. Every time they asked me for something I had to say no. I didnt have the money, hell I didnt have enough gas in my car to take them to the park. I was struggling to keep my head above water but we were making it and that's got to count for something.
February shit got real. He went to jail and all kinds of stuff happened, and he very well could be returning to jail this month. I caved, like the
I still haven't made my point. I'm long winded at times. Now that he is getting the kids 2 days a week for a few hours. Every time they come home with something new. I don't know why but it pisses me off. Why do you get to pretty much buy their love and affection and be super dad all of a sudden and Im just the mean ass mom that says no all the time and disciplines them. I know my kids love me dont get me wrong but it hurts to be the bad guy all the time. He gives them whatever they want and since he only gets them a few hours a week he doesn't have to enforce any discipline.
I tried to talk to him about it last night. I told him I was sick of being the bad guy all the time and it wasn't fair that he bought them whatever they wished for. His response... "If I have the money and they want it why not?" Maybe I am being too sensitive maybe I'm getting all butthurt over nothing but it makes me angry.
He says well I give you child support.
They are 2 and 7 they don't understand those things. What they do understand is ooohhh shiny new things that my daddy buys me when Im with him. Meanwhile mom is in groucholand and says no all the time and makes me do stupid stuff like taking a bath and doing my homework and cleaning my room and then punishing me when I act like little assholes in public.So I mean if you are 2 and 7 clearly the winner is going to be daddy with all his buy me stuff abilities.
I know its not a competition between us and again I know my kids love me but quite frankly im sure they dont like me quite a bit. I know in the long run they will understand but damn it sometimes I want to be the cool mom.
Rant over.
I feel you girl! I encounter the exact same thing!!! It makes me pretty resentful about so many thing that have happened. The strength of a woman, especially a mother cannot be measured. You do so much for your children and I agree that it sucks right now... it'll all pay off eventually when the children get to see the whole truth. It's just a waiting game for the moment though. Stay strong! We have so much in common.. wish I were brave enough to share more... guess it'll take me more time. :)
ReplyDeleteI am with you on this even though I don't have a douche bag ex (I he is a DB in his own way but nothing close to yours) my ex is/was never punishing our son when he him, bought him everything he wanted, took him to every movie I told him I didn't have the money for and takes him places he only begs me to take him. It was always a struggle and my son was always wanting to be at his dads. Finally about a year ago I had to take something away from him or acting up and he says... I don't care what you say and I know my dad doesn't either because he will let me play with the same thing at his house. I immediately called him and informed him of what was said and things changed real quick. I am not saying it's 100% better but it's something. You are doing a good job with your kids and in the end they will know who has always been there and they will eventually forget about the shiny stuff and see him for who he really is.
ReplyDeleteBelieve me you are the cool mom!! I get it though, well kinda Ive never had a ex, but plenty of my friends do and I hear the same complaint from them. Hang in there momma. Being a child of divorce where I had my own views on my dad, once I grew up and saw for myself, I got it. Hang in there, know your doing a great job!
ReplyDeleteSame here. Even though we went months without any income and I had to borrow from family just to survive while he was off with his girlfriend at the coast and spoiling that girlfriend like crazy. He wouldn't even send over food for his child. Yet, now that his check is garnished, he takes it back to court to have it lowered saying that it is a hardship on him and his girlfriend. Hopefully it will get better for the both of us!
ReplyDeleteTrust me as the product of a single parent they will understand when they get older. i know it doesn't make it easier but they will get it.
ReplyDeleteThis seems to be a constant issue with divorced parents. There's always going to be something that doesn't quite seem to work. But you give your kids so much love on a daily basis, and you provide them with their most basic needs and give them everything you can. While when they are young they might not understand it, in a few years it will become clear to them and they will be so grateful to you for doing everything you could for them.
ReplyDeleteOh man my heart goes out to you, what a tough situation to be in! You are definitely doing the right thing and I agree with Tracy, even if your kids don't recognize it now, they will later. Hang in there! You ARE the cool mom!
ReplyDeleteI feel for you, such a horrid way to live. The rules in Ontario are so much clearer regarding child support and alimony and helps eliminate some of that disparity. Chin up girl, the kids will eventually see through this
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, that would be incredibly frustrating! I think you ARE a cool mom.
ReplyDeleteI can't even imagine how frustrating that is .. I am so sorry for you. But you are the one who will be the one that is ALWAYS there for your children and that is what truly matters!! Keep your head up!!
ReplyDeleteThey may not understand it now but they'll be grateful for it in the future and so will you be. The will have respect for you because they will know not everything is handed on a plate to them, xoxo.
ReplyDeleteLove this! Keep your head up your kids will appreciate you in the long run
ReplyDeleteEmma| With A City Dream
My daughter is only two but I could see the same thing happening to me as she gets older. Luckily for me, her father is horrible with money so unless he learns to budget better, I might always get to be the one that spoils her. I just dread the day when she realizes all the things she loves so much are usually second-hand :p Hang in there, as they get older they'll realize the truth. Unfortunately there's not really much you can do about it if your ex wants to keep spoiling them :(
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