There's just one thing that we are polar opposites on and Im not sure how to handle it. He grew up in a military family where emotions weren't expressed and hugs weren't given. I, on the other hand, grew up in a very loving and emotional family. We talked about our feelings, we hugged it out, and we spent pretty much 24/7 together doing family shiz.
Mike doesnt say I love you, he buys me stuff. I know some of you are like seriously are you complaining. Well yeah I am. I love that he randomly thinks of me throughout the day because hes thinking of me or calls me for no apparent reason. Its awesome but sometimes I'd like to hear him say it. Then Im like we've been together for 15 months and Ive never even heard him say it to his kid. He shows his love and affection in very different ways. However, sometimes it makes me feel bad. Like Im the type of girl that needs hugs, kisses, and I love you's. He says Im insecure about our relationship that I should know that he loves me. Which I do but I want to feel wanted and missed or whatever stage 5 clinger bullshit I sound like right now. Sometimes I just want that.
Not really but I do want him to hug me when I get home from work or to simply say Hey Brittney I love the shit out of you! I tried to tell him about it but hes like everything is perfect why are you tripping. Wanna know why Im tripping, stupid disney movies with their unrealistic love stories Im sure, but whatever cant a bitch just get a GD hug?!
This is not a deal breaker for me. In every other way Mike is perfect and we're perfect for each other. When youre in a relationship you really have to make sacrifices and compromises. I mean is it really so bad that hes not affectionate. No. I can deal with it. I can understand he was brought up differently than me and he shows his affection in other ways. Such as buying me tons of jewelry last week, fixing my car, brushing my hair and bringing me soup after I just had surgery and couldnt lift my arms, etc. He shows me in so many ways that he loves and cares for me I dont know why I get caught up on him not being affectionate. I was upset and thought I was justified when I first started writing this and now I feel kind of ridiculous. Mike has changed my life, he has made me smile, and hes showed me how I am supposed to be treated. I dont think he'll ever be the mushy gushy type and thats okay with me. He loves me even if he shows his love differently than I do.
I totally get this, my husband is the same way and it drives me a little crazy. I love the things he does for me but sometimes all I really want is a verbal confirmation! Or a hug! But it is just one of those things we work on! I just attack hug him randomly which always gets a laugh!
ReplyDeleteSometimes we focus too much on the piece that is not right instead of focusing on all that is right. You typed your way through that one for sure, you can tell by the end of the post. :) I am super emotional and can cry at a commercial for toilet paper so I get it 100%.
ReplyDeleteIt's important to meet in the middle, especially when you speak different love languages. You need to get what you need, but he has to be comfortable with what he's giving.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I are really different, too, but he's the more affectionate one ;) You should check out Love Languages... it's all about how we all express/receive love differently. It's a good tool to open up the communication!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-That-Lasts/dp/0802473156/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1400086158&sr=1-2&keywords=love+languages
Hun this is exactly how my last relationship was. Maybe if I took your stance we'd be ok today. My advice... meet somewhere in the middle. Dont force the I love you's if hes showing you :)
ReplyDeleteYou need to both read the Five Love Languages book--apparently your love language is words of affirmation and physical touch. His may be different, but if he understands yours, he may be more likely to try to be more affectionate.
ReplyDeleteIt's totally about understanding each other. Some people love when their significant other buys them things, or cleans the house, or physically shows their love, or speak words of love and affection.
ReplyDeleteHe may feel appreciated/ loved completely differently than you - and that's okay, we're all unique and different and that's to be celebrated. It's more about opening up the conversation, and allowing yourself to be vulnerable and saying, "I really love you and our relationship, and I don't think there's anything wrong with us - I would just really love it if you'd tell me every once in a while that you love me. That's all."
Because in reality - you are not crazy and you are not a stage 5 clinger - you just require a different kind of affection than he does, and him saying "I love you" or picking you up for a huge bear hug once he's home after a long day, isn't much to ask for. (And it's totally okay to just ask for it in a sincere and honest way.)
I get what you are saying. My husband doesn't like emotions. He doesn't know what to do when I start crying...about everything. But I can't help it! I am an emotional person. Like Steph said, it is all about knowing your partner's love language and trying to accommodate the best you can.
ReplyDeleteah girl i get ya ;) i love my hubby but we are very different in some ways, and it used to make me sad, but then there are certain things that i dont do for him - or rather, i dont ... act the same way about something, eh i cant explain it whatever. but the point is when i realised he didnt get mad about that, or sad or whatever, he just kept acting his way, i realised it was silly of me to think he should change or be more like me. if that makes sense. :)
ReplyDeleteyour mike sounds a lot like how i am. i'm not really big on the touchy-feely stuff either, i'd much rather show my love and appreciation in other ways (like buying things that remind me of my SO, doing something thoughtful, etc). he on the other hand is very open and communicative about everything. its definitely an adjustment but i think we both try to do what is not natural to us (for me, being more communicative about feelings and for him, doing things that i would appreciate without being asked). figuring out a balance of each of your communication styles that works for both of you is key! :)
ReplyDeleteI don't blame you at all. I once took the '5 love languages quiz' and I think affection was my top love language. I need affection. I don't need it too much or all of the time, but I need it. I'm glad he's great otherwise, but I wonder if he tried it a little, would he like the hugs and affection too? :p
ReplyDeleteI dated a guy who almost never said he loved me. It was hard. Even though he did all sorts of other things that proved he cared, I'm very much a words-of-affirmation girl and not hearing it made it hard to believe.
ReplyDelete